I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
