he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
