You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
