you're like a bully in the Christmas story
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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