Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
