I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
that may or may not have been my penis.
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