Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
