I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize