I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
