Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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