ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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