I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
