HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
