If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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