When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
