i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
