I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
