oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
