yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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