I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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