Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
