Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
