I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
