Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
