Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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