i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
