you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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