I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
