While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
