Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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