Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
