Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
