My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
