you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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