Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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