I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
