forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Randomize
