the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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