he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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