Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
