just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
