I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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