im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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