My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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