he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
