Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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