I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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