She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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