btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
