Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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