People in love make me want to vomit
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
