this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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