But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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