My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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