Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize