never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
