I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
