5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
