Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
