idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
