This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
