So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
